Wanted: Change of Attitude

So, I know what you’re thinking: that this will be a post on “Life With a Toddler”, but you are wrong! Ha ha! While E’s reaffirmed teenage attitude has returned and the days are full of, “FINE!” *door slam*, this post is all about me! Me me me!

I tend to be an all or nothing type of gal and that can be great if you’re a cheery, optimistic type of person who can do the “all” without a problem. But if you are me then you are a somewhat pessimistic, cynical person who finds motivation a hard thing to keep a grasp on. An example you say? Well how about a little story about a person who I know quite well…

Let’s say this person joins Weight Watchers a year ago and goes full force into the program. She is going really well and manages to lose weight at a healthy, consistent pace. She thinks, “I should blog about this!” But instead decides to wait until she has reached a certain number that would surely impress. Christmas comes along and she makes some delicious cookies and nanaimo bars, buys some Kahlua and she eats and drinks her fair share. The holidays pass and she has not come out of it too bad, but continues on the downward spiral anyway. Before long she has gained back about 1/3 of what she lost and then thinks, “Well, now I’ve screwed this up so what’s the point.” And ends up gaining back every one of the 13 kilos she had worked hard to lose. Yeah 13! kilos. Way to go, eh?

This horrible pattern finds it way into all parts of my life. Even in this blog it’s evident. I want to write regularly, but then I feel like my life is not interesting enough so why write? I don’t want to end up blabbering on about my kids all day and let’s face it; as a stay at home mother they’re kind of a huge part of each day. Then when something does happen I fell like it’s been so long since my last post so what’s the point? Then badda boom badda bing it’s six weeks in between posts!

Part of the problem is that I set huge goals for myself which means that the all in “all or nothing” is often times too much to handle. I almost did it to myself again with my gym membership. I decided that I would go to the gym everyday. Everyday? That meant getting up at 5:45am on weekdays and trying to fit it in on the weekend somewhere. Considering two things: One, I am a bit of a night owl and two, I am a mother of two small kids, that was a crazy goal to set. I’ve since decided to attempt three weekdays and try to get there once over the weekend (the gym’s hours are really restricted on weekends which doesn’t help with that part). Andy has also joined the gym now and he goes for six and I go after him around 7:15 which will help me quite a bit since I find it really hard to get to bed before midnight.

I’m also easily distracted by the internet and that also contributes to infrequent posting. I get on here and read so many blogs, look at flickr stuff and waste SO MUCH time on facebook that there is no time left to write anything, boring or not. I can’t help it though, I go over my list of blogs on sage (35, not really that many actually.), Flickr contacts (31, so again not too bad.) and friends on facebook (193, hmm maybe the problem lies here?*) and can’t bring myself to delete anyone. In any case this isn’t the biggest part of my problems, but it certainly isn’t helping me in the time management department!

So as the title says I want an attitude change and I’m slowly working towards that attainable goal by doing little things.

Like writing this post.

Oh, and for anyone who doesn’t look at my flickr stream I got my haircut a month ago! And I have to make a confession about this photo. I hate it! And you know why? Because I was very tired that day and I decided to use photoshop to take out the huge(r than usual) dark circles under my eyes. Now whenever I look at it I think it looks weird because I’ve always had dark circles under there and it doesn’t really look like me without them. I would have taken it down from flickr and put the original up, but people had already commented on it and I thought that would be rude/weird.

*193? Is that not stupid? Am I really “friends” with 193 people? Hell no. I really should go on a deleting spree…